The following words were the winners in a competition orgnised by the Washington Post, whose readers were invited to take any word from
the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and
supply a new definition.:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which
renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of
time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an
asshole.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund,
which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with..
4.
Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.):
The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from
penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking
down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about
yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism
spray-painted very, very high
8.. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author
of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte :
To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10.
Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11.
Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad
vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious
bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the
day consuming only things that are good for you.
13.. Glibido : All
talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to
seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit
(n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked
through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a
mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be
cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a
worm in the fruit you're eating.
In another category, competitors had to supply a new meaning for an existing word:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2.
Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one
has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat
stomach.
4. esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5.
Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering
the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a
lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence,
n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a
steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11.
Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The
formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A
Rastafarian proctologist.
14 . Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that,
after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
15
. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
